A Lament for the Eagle- A Pentalogue

On the 28^th day of Jan, 2010, Ghana presented a collection of gallant young men in the absence of the regular black stars to pip Nigeria 1-0 in the semifinal of AFCON 2010 in Angola. As a friend of Nigeria, I write this lament as commiserations for my many great friends and colleagues in  Nigeria.





Out of Angola, ululations all over

Out of Nija, a call to the mourners

Cry my beloved Country, weep daughters of eko

Who shall believe our tale, to whom shall we tell our story

A humble pie for dinner o eagle, not so super



An eagle so entangled, its gaffer so beleaguered

The wings robbed of span, the eyes robbed of vision

Blindly it flaps for space, dazzled by the light of miniature Stars

Deliciously baked by a Chef, Gyan is his name

Here is your humble pie o eagle, not so Super



150 million voices so silenced, for once NEPA can be forgiven

The darkness is a solace, it hides our grief

Out of 150 million, we failed to find Men

To mend the wings of the eagle, to put the shine out of baby Stars

Eat your humble Pie o eagle, not so super



Where is the lamb, sacrifice him for this abomination

The Gaffer the gaffer, Yes Amadou the gaffer

The most successful Gaffer, who jumped higher than Vogts

Yet he stands accused, because the eagle contends with chickens

Eat your humble pie o eagle , not so super



A reprimand from Aso rock, a rebuke from Saudi Arabia

A sacrifice for Agbala, or a meal for Amadioha

Give him to shango , Maybe Oduduwa

East to West, even the gods reject him

Eat your humble pie o eagle, not so super



Who shall lead our battalion, who is the commander

Kanu, or Yobo

Ayigbeni, or Odemwinge

We miss you Okocha, find us a successor

Eat your humble pie o eagle, not so super



Fight not against your destiny, it is inscribed in the stars

The eagles rest on the mountains, but the stars are in the heavens

They rise in the east, and set in the west

No more controversy, the stars rule the west

Eat your humble pie o eagle, not so super

The Way The Cookie Crumbles

Professor Mills' presidency is already a year old. He has already given rave assessment of the performance of his government during the period. Rather uncharacteristic of lecturers from Legon, he was also very charitable with grades when he assessed the first one hundred days of his stewardship. He might have taken a cue from the proverbial lizard that jumped from a tall tree and decided to praise himself if no one will, but the President and his advisors are very much aware that a good self assessment counts for little, come judgment day. Under the young fourth republic, Ghanaian voters have twice dragged out sitting governments from the castle with the latter screaming and touting what they consider as great achievements of their stewardship. Sitting governments have the tendency of falling in love with beautiful macro-economic statistics until they become opposition parties, then they become street champions and start measuring economic gains in the micro sense- the effect on the man in the street. For some reasons, many citizens have argued that the expected "trickle-down" from macro to micro never happens, and it is this perception that eventually makes governments and unmakes others. This fact is underscored by the hammering the one year old administration has received from the most unlikely of sources- the ruling party. Before the President's rave assessment, his former mentor, party founder and former President Rawlings had scored the administration poorly for its performance over the past twelve months. He believes the Party's goodwill has depleted under Mill's leadership.

It should have dawned on Uncle Atta by now that with the kind of friends he has in the ruling National Democratic Congress, he has no use for enemies. Several times in the past fifty-two weeks, he has been hit by a barrage of criticisms from NDC party-people who claim that instead of hitting the ground running as he promised, his government has been too slow to take off. It started with the so called foot soldiers grabbing toilets and demanding jobs that were promised during pre-election campaign. In no time, they were joined by the founder of the party, and then the former presidential aspirant, Spio Gabrah, pissed in. At that point some Mills loyalists thought "wait a minute, Rawlings we know, but Spio, who are you?" So they broke their silence and pissed back at Spio reminding him that his "cheap doctorate" cannot be compared with what the professor has earned. But that did not stop other party heavy weights like the majority leader Alban Bagbin and MP for Ashiaman Alfred Agbesi from having a go at their own government.

In reality all this talk from the NDC about slow government, neglect of foot soldiers, access (or lack of it) to ministers and other presidential appointees is nothing short of demanding that the President should fire everybody appointed by the previous administration and replace them with NDC supporters. It is not enough that almost all boards and state affiliated organizations have been filled with NDC sympathizers and caterers of the school feeding program have been replaced; they have to rid all public offices of people employed during the Kufuor days and overhaul the personnel working with National Youth Employment Program (NYEP). Somebody should tell these so called foot soldiers that the president is managing taxes contributed by all Ghanaians including those who didn't vote for their party. Sometimes I get the impression that they think the country belongs to them and them alone. They tend to forget that we are all partakers of the pie that the president has been busy with in the kitchen. But are they to blame?

The seed for the President's woes with his foot soldiers was sown a few years earlier when the Party was in opposition. The strategy of opposition parties seeking to wrestle power is to criticize anything the incumbent does and promise the moon when they are clueless on how to get off the ground. When they grab power, reality sinks in, but to the masses whose expectations have been hyped, they want their pound of flesh, no matter the difficulties. Add a scent of corruption to the dashed expectation, throw in arrogance responses from a couple of ministers and the die is cast. The news will be everywhere, the government does not listen, the party has been hijacked by a few, let's teach them a lesson at the ballot box. These perceptions matter more than any high scoring self assessment exercise. At this point, you can forget about all the macro-economic theories. The writing is on the wall, "MENE MENE TEKEL URPHASIN", you have been weighed and found wanting; the days of your government are numbered. That is the way the cookie crumbles.

In a moment of mediocre brilliance, the NPP created the NYEP to answer the cry of their foot soldiers. They were sent to institutions like hospitals and the police MTTU after being enrolled into the NYEP. If the police needed them and had money to recruit them, why didn't they do so? If the chaps were qualified, what stopped the nursing training schools from training them for direct employment into the hospitals using the usual channels? Why didn't the GES directly recruit them as pupil teachers? What is the use of the intermediary organization called NYEP? It is simply a political answer to an economic question. When you promise to create hundreds of thousands of jobs, you must create them. I'm not surprised they are always crying for their salaries. NYEP is a creature of politics not economics. After all this, the NPP still lost the election. The lesson is simple, mediocre solutions won't solve complex problems.

One excuse I hate to hear is that "when we made all those campaign promises, we didn't know the other Party had ran down the economy this much". I don't buy that excuse. You didn't care to look. Your only interest was to find the right words for a gullible populace to change governments, the solutions could wait till then. It is called playing politics, but I think it is mediocrity. The careless promises, including those not written in the manifesto, which take parties to power will also bring them down.

Professor Mills won't admit it openly, but his wahala is exacerbated by the fact that Rawlings is not on his side. Only time will tell if the strategy of ignoring Rawlings is a master stroke. The Prof said Rawlings is not a pain in the neck but didn't exclude other parts of his body. He also said he knows what Rawlings is capable of. Yeah right, Prof! This is his CV. He has criticized every government since 1979 (apart from his) for under-performance. Every government he criticized, he helped to bring down. The Professor's job is cut-out for him. He has two broad options- do what he promised after the Swedru Declaration -consult Rawlings day and night; or force a leadership contest in the NDC between him and his mentor. The latter option is suicidal and with the Prof's personality looks unlikely. But does he want to lead a party without being in charge? Faced with a headache similar to the Prof's, the president of Malawi, Bingu Wa Mutharika, broke away from the ruling party and formed another party even before he ended his term. But his predecessor who anointed him heir, Bakili Muluzi, is not Rawlings. Prof, wish you luck. If you choose that path of legends remember to consult with the Seer T.B. Joshua. The coming congress is perfect opportunity for a proxy war.

Sour grapes might have motivated Spio Gabrah to piss-in into team selection, but the Prof must admit that some of his ministers are not fit even for the reserve bench. A useless suggestion Prof, take a critical look at your team sheet, whoever you won't hire to manage your own company, throw them out. I think you can start with Mark Wayongo, the Upper East Regional Minister and Kofi Opoku Manu, the Ashanti regional Minister. The former's justification of human rights abuses by soldiers in his region and the latter's call to supporters to slap political opponents are a throwback to the dark days of our history. Opoku Manu's misguided call, reminiscent of a call by a certain force Sergeant Major in the Rawlings days for the freedom to slap to counter balance the freedom of speech, cannot be ignored because he said it at a part rally. Such talks have led to civil wars in other countries in Africa. Politicians must learn the art of speaking responsibly even at party meetings to preserve the unity and sanctity of this country.

One can't overstate the fact that the government's success is hinged on the quality of human resources deployed. Where political considerations weigh heavily, not only in ministerial appointments, but every other job with direct or indirect government oversight, Ghana can be the only loser in the long run. Will the NDC tread this path after accusing the NPP of nepotism in job distribution?

If the events of the past twelve months are anything to go by, Professor Mills may set an unenviable record- The first government under the first republic that didn't make a second term. That is if the NPP can overcome its own mess created by the quest for personal aggrandizement. But that doesn't rule out the possibility of losing his party's nomination if things don't change quickly.

With all the criticisms coming from within his own party, and what is yet to come from the slumbering opposition, the President is under pressure to produce quick fixes. That is when politics takes precedence over any other science. Such mediocre solutions only make the Pie crumble even faster. Mr. President the unborn generations of Ghana are crying out to you, Make a difference! Raise the bar! Eschew the temptation to use benchmarks set by Rawlings and Kufuor. They are too low. Posterity yearns to celebrate a real hero, fill that gap. Look beyond satisfying foot soldiers and ensure that Ghana produces employable and confident youths who will be assimilated into a well structured economy. If most of our youths are employed, they will be so busy that they will not be enlisted into the foot army of any party. With few foot soldiers, you can concentrate on baking our pie, Ghana's Pie not NDC's Pie. If NPP couldn't hold on to power by giving state jobs to party-people you won't. If NDC couldn't retain power in 2000 by showing off the supposed achievements of institutions like 31^st December movement, it won't work now.

Happy One Year Anniversary, Mr. President.

  

The Christmas Hamper the President Cannot Despise

The president of Ogyakrom Professor Evans Atta Mills has asked all presidential hamper wielding Ghanaians to look for other destinations apart from the castle to deliver their goodies. He simply doesn't want to be indebted to anybody because of a hamper. Unlike Cain, he is not selling his birth right for a meal. He needs a free conscience to crack the whip when he has to, not even the celebration of the good news of the birth of Christ will take that away from him. In the coming year, I expect him to Fast Track a couple of Kuffuor's appointees either to Nsawam or Freedom Square, fire a few of his predecessor's appointees and replace them with loyal but hungry NDC faithfuls and maybe throw a few of his own ministers out of job. It is all part of his calling, some decisions are not nice but they must be taken.

I believe that if we are to tackle corruption in Africa, we must deal with gifts in very unconventional terms. I do not believe that ordinarily a Christmas hamper will corrupt a president, but with the disingenuous use of gifts to oil the wheels of the corruption train in Africa, only God knows what people have done in the past and were preparing to do with Christmas hampers. For that reason, I congratulate Uncle Fiifii for derailing the Africa Gift Train this Christmas. Unlike his predecessors he has rejected any ride on the train. Rejecting Christmas hampers resonates loudly in a country like Ghana where it is considered rude to reject a gift. If you lose track of time, three signs appearing at the same time can tell you that Christmas is near; decorations including the Christmas tree which doesn't grow in Ghana, Christmas carols some of which are meaningless in our context talking about snow fall and white Christmas at a time that we are experiencing dry harmattan winds, and of course the hampers. The gifts always cause the greatest controversies. My Jehovah's Witness colleague, Santa Rob had a problem with the Christmas prefix, so he had to rechristen many items to ensure he doesn't miss out of what we have all toiled for. He will say end of year party instead of Christmas party, hamper instead of Christmas hamper. If Christmas hampers and gifts are given in the spirit of Christmas, how come they are mostly given to those who do not need them? If you take a tally in any office, the people lower down the ladder like the messenger hardly receive any hamper from suppliers, they are mostly delivered to people of influence like the CEO and other managers who have the power to switch suppliers. For the receptionist, being female, young and beautiful enhances your hamper receiving status. The driver who is always in the view of the so called business partners throughout the year is totally forgotten at Christmas. There must be more to this hamper business, Mr. President is right! If you think God has touched your heart this Christmas, please send your gifts and hampers to the Osu children's home, they really need them.

Regardless of these controversies associated with gifts, I am proposing a gift to the president that he cannot refuse. My vote come 2012. I will present this gift on one condition- Sack the Hawkers!

It has become an urban myth that if you clear our streets of hawkers, you will lose an election. I haven't yet seen any poll backing that claim, but it is one that politicians hold dear and hate to love. I suspect it has to do with the numbers that brandish all manner of goods at you on the streets and pavements. If all those numbers are converted to votes, either for or against, what a difference it will make at the polls. But the politicians seem to forget the other critical mass that drives on the streets of major towns and cities and is tired of having to dodge hawkers every day of the week. There is also another group who just wishes the pavements will be used for what they were built for- pedestrian walk. The good news is that they all have votes. The day the NPP government stopped Adjiri Blankson from clearing hawkers off the streets of Accra , I made two decisions; to stop shopping in the central business district until we learn to be civilized, and to withhold my votes from the short sighted politicians who couldn't see beyond cheap popularity. I have since carried out those decisions but unfortunately for Professor Mills, he didn't benefit from the second decision because I blamed his party for some irresponsible campaigning leading to the election. But I am assuring the president of my vote if he takes the tough decision of making the streets of Ghana look like it is part of civilization.

Sincerely, I appreciate the dilemma Politicians face when the issue of hawkers and our streets rear its head. It sounds like common sense, the market is created for shopping, the streets for driving and the pavement for walking. Why should the shops move to take over the streets and the pavements? The answer though simple, raises difficult problems. This is the result of decades of poor governance. We have an educational system that creates armies of youth mostly from rural Ghana who are only equipped to buy and sell. Sacking them from the streets means you must find alternate employment for them. Employment for unemployable youth is a promise every government has made but failed to deliver. That is the real headache for politicians when they hear "drive the hawkers away". The easiest solution is the ostrich approach; turn a blind eye to the problem on our streets. But politicians must balance this headache with my right to walk on pavements constructed with my tax money without being harassed and pushed by people who think it is their right to sell and my right to drive safely on streets constructed for that purpose. I don't want to add to my stress level dodging running hawkers on the streets after a stressful day in the office. There is only one way a politician can win this battle; satisfy the ever growing army of youth and satisfy me. The solution will require short, medium and long term measures that have been carefully thought of and crafted. Providing such solutions is the reason we elect leaders and we must task them to provide the answers. Politics is not just another avenue for employment; it is the embodiment for our hopes and aspirations as a people. For us in Ghana and Africa, we have a long way to go to actualize those dreams. Therefore ostrich solutions will not suffice.

Mr. President, I want my street back and I want my pavement back. You may have ordered Mayor Vandapuije to stop decongesting Accra , but please note that he has my support and the support of many road users who will not necessarily congregate to show our support. Also note that we also have votes. I will consign my vote to you as a Pre-Christmas present in 2012 if you deliver the streets back to us, and I suspect many other people will do same. This is one hamper you can't ignore.



PS: Is the President, through State Protocol, giving out hampers this Christmas?

The Kinapharma Raid: Just Another Assault on Rights in Ghana

The Ghanaian pharmaceutical company KinaPharma found itself at the end of a practical joke when the might of the Ghana police force descended on it to kick some pharma(medicine) out of their Kingdom because the police had "reasonable suspicion" that the company was dealing in banned narcotics. With adrenalin pumping, the law enforcers did not only move drugs that had supposedly tested partially for cocaine out of the company premise for further testing, but also arrested some of the company's managers for "possessing substances prohibited under Ghana's Narcotic Control Law" even before test results were ready. Almost a week after test results proved that neither the company nor its directors did anything of that sort, they were still struggling to get the police to say three words- "We are sorry". Instead, the police through the director of CID, DCOP Frank Adu Poku, justified their raid on one of Ghana's success stories as far as indigenous businesses are concerned, emphatically stating that they owe the company no apology. It doesn't seem to matter that their 'reasonable' action and the indiscreet manner it was carried out, needlessly almost destroyed a company's reputation and impugned the reputation of its directors and officials some of whom were arrested when we were not even sure a crime had been committed. In another country, beyond rendering an apology, the police will re-examine its intelligence and other processes to avoid repeating the KinaPharma fiasco. But that is not the Macho Ghana Police Force, they are without regret.

What befell Kinapharma brings to fore a worrying truth that confronts every civilized society. The processes that ensure law and order are susceptible to both institutional and individual errors, and sometimes abuses. When the institutions that dispense justice are faced with such failings, they easily choose the path of bullishness and lies to hide the truth. In so doing, our attempts to seek justice end up perpetrating injustice on many citizens. For countries like Ghana, the situation is further blighted by the indifference of citizens towards such abuses. These institutions are therefore under little pressure to improve the processes to minimize such frailties. In fact, compared to others without the wherewithal to garner public interest in their cause or to hire the best lawyers and experts to prove their innocence, KinaPharma had it lightly. The police raids a neighborhood arrests the homeless, parades them as armed robbers, they are remanded in prisons around the country and forgotten- no prosecution. The police guns down ten young men and presents them as armed robbers, the dead stay dumb. This sad narration does not only indict our security system but also underscores the attitude of our society to the rights of people.

Seventeen years ago, I learnt that, when the police are involved, it is important to apply Jesus' admonishing in Matt 5:25 (Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison), if you value your freedom. It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong. On that day, somebody pulled my wallet from my back pocket while we were struggling to get into a "tro-tro" at a bus terminal close to a police station in Accra. I got down from the bus shouting for my wallet to be returned. Then I saw this giant of a man walking away from the bus holding a polythene bag. His demeanor appeared suspicious and his huge frame scary. I mustered courage and asked him to return my wallet. He swore that he hadn't taken my wallet, but I convinced him to walk to the police station for a search to prove his innocence. He grudgingly followed me to the station. That is when the show began. Before I could finish narrating my story to the police officer at the counter, another officer approached from behind and gave this guy a good slap, even I was taken aback. Of course, the thick tall man returned the favour after which three or four police men pounced on him, subdued him and threw him in the police cells. I was totally stunned. Is that how easy it is to get somebody locked up? The man stayed locked overnight without admitting to the theft, neither was my wallet found on him. Somebody claiming to be his brother visited the station and paid the amount of money that was in the wallet, the police advised me to take the money since there is little evidence to tie him to the crime in a court. However, they were sure the guy was an accomplice to the theft, because they found out that he had a previous record. Whoever stole my wallet dumped it somewhere near the station without the money but with my id card, a biker found it and dropped it in my hall of residence. The scar of that incidence remains on my conscience till today. What if the guy was innocent? Maybe he is a jailbird but does that mean he took my money?

We have handed over authority to institutions like the police that allow them to curtail our individual freedoms for the common good of society. How do we ensure that these powers are not exercised for the wrong reasons? Yes, the police have the power to detain me for 48 hours but at what point do we know when the power has been exercised recklessly? I was once stopped by a policeman who I had always admired from a distance because of the enthusiasm with which he directed traffic. He accused me of jumping a red light, and I knew I hadn't, and if I had, from where he was standing, it would be difficult for him to swear to it. His point was that another car in the dual lane stopped whiles I didn't. I explained that that car was well behind me. The policeman gave me a simple advice, if I continue challenging him, he will waste my time. He was right. The traffic lights had no cameras to prove who was telling the truth. He will ask me to sit at the police station for hours before he takes my details. I will spend more hours at a court over a traffic incidence. The judge will believe him because of who he is and impose a fine after all the hours spent trying to prove my innocence. Time was one commodity I didn't have, so I took his advice, I stopped challenging him, but he lost my respect that day.

In more serious cases, limbs and lives are lost as a result of "reasonable actions" by law enforcement agencies. In 2006 policemen shot and killed four people they mistook for armed robbers. In another incident a 26 year old man was mistaken for a robber and killed by the police. In both cases the police had initially insisted that they killed armed robbers until loud noises in the media forced them to back track. The fact that even with the most noble of intentions, law enforcers may end up injuring innocent citizens makes it imperative for our police to exercise circumspection especially in the use of lethal force. The only way to ensure that the police get into the habit of exercising such care is to inspect what they do. Humans will only do what you inspect and not what you expect. Any police action that results in the death of any human being must be examined by an independent body. Those found to have acted recklessly or criminally leading to the loss of human life must be withdrawn from the force and other sanctions applied as stipulated by law.

The expression of machismo by the police will never stop until the covert and overt endorsement of such acts cease. Human rights activists are subjected to all manner of vituperations, especially on radio call-in programs, when they raise issues with the number of people killed in police operations. The impression is created that human rights activists love 'criminals' more than they love the police, but that is not true. I am an advocate for the respect of everybody's right including armed robbers' but I detest armed robbers especially those who maim and kill innocent people whose property they have no right to take. In fact, I am not against the death penalty for willful murderers in principle, but I am more scared of an imperfect judicial system that wrongly tags innocent citizens found at the wrong place at the wrong time as killers, and committing murder by putting them to death in an attempt to seek justice. For this reason, I will drop my support for the death penalty. A black American has just been released from jail in the USA after spending over thirty years behind bars for a crime he didn't commit. If the death penalty had been applied, restitution would have been impossible for this man wronged by the society. This is what many Ghanaians including law enforcement officers lose sight of- not everybody who looks like the culprit really committed the crime. If we exact our own kind of justice before the truth emerges, we may end up with blood on our hands.

I sympathize with the management of KinaPharma, but they will be lucky to get an apology from the Ghana police force because to our macho police, their pain is business as usual. DCOP Frank Adu Poku couldn't have delivered the message better.

Contempt of Toilet in Ghana

Some subjects cannot be broached without profuse apologies. As we say in Ghana Taflatse seven times for my Sakalogue on something so smelly.

I was driving on the motorway one morning when a woman declared on Joy FM in impeccable fante inter-laced with the queen's English, "yede contempt atu tiefi nudu" to wit she has placed contempt on toilet. I received half a dozen calls from friends in the next couple of minutes asking if I was listening to Joy FM. Truth be told, the government and the people of Ghana have been treating this important byproduct of the digestive system with great contempt . We understand that to keep the body alive we need to expel the stuff (it will come out any way if you refuse to), and when out, storage is very important if we want to avoid an over-charitable distribution of disease causing parasites in our society. However, symptomatic of our failure in resolving our problem as a nation, we have done a bad job of collecting and storing away those lumps from the stomach.

Huge deposits of the substance have been scattered in all manner of places that have nothing to do with the stuff. The gods of the sea have not signed a toilet pact with Ogyakromians but the beaches are popular with people seeking quick stomach downloads. Open gutters, rivers, forest reserves, backyards ('efitsire') are popular with many stomach surfers in Ogyakrom. The men, women and children who desecrate the beautiful beaches are not savages- simply put, there are no decent toilets at their places of abode. Where available, they're either over-used or not worth the name, or both. District and metropolitan assemblies have failed to enforce their own laws that make it mandatory for landlords to provide toilets in their houses. In certain parts of the capital, Accra, many landlords converted their pan-latrine toilets into extra rooms and asked the tenants to use public places of convenience. To live successfully in one of these houses, you must have total control of your bowels under the most turbulent stomach conditions. If you don't, your opprobrium is beyond salvage. Apart from having to hold it in until you get to the public toilet that can be any distance away from your house, you have to contend with a long queue of surfers, some holding soap dishes half filled with enema in one hand and enema syringe ("bentua") in the other, all waiting their turn to download. Unfortunately for you, there are no emergency procedures to take care of your circumstances. Under such circumstances, your best bet is to look for any place more convenient than this place of convenience, this could be anywhere- the beach, the bush, behind that house, a carrier bag in your bedroom if you live alone- alas, you've joined the savages.

Why do we call these public toilets places of convenience? You can actually walk in with your father-in-law-in-waiting and finish negotiating the bride price for your fiancée, whiles at it. The stench emanating from the place can have devastating consequences on the nerves that control smell if exposure is not minimized. In fact, a couple of these toilets imploded under its own methane (or whatever gas it is) a decade or so ago. Some chaps in Kumasi attempted to improve these toilets by inventing the KVIP- Kumasi Ventilated Improved Pit Latrine. I never understood why these chaps invented the KVIP at a time we had been used to WCs for decades. I was even more baffled by the way politicians loved to inaugurate these toilets. If you have ever used the so called improved pit latrine you realize it is no technology at all. However, after an encounter with a mobile toilet in the middle of London, I revised my notes on the technology.

Whiles shopping on the high streets in London in February 1998, I felt a strong call of nature. Incidentally it was on that trip that I adopted the name Ogyakromian. Luckily I located a mobile toilet right there in the middle of everywhere. As soon as the door moved to close position and Ogyakromian prepared to dialogue with nature, I saw a note on the closed door advising users of the system that the door is programmed to open AUTOMATICALLY after 15 minutes. What? "What if the system mistimed my session and flings open after 2 minutes?" "I wasn't wearing a watch, what if I misjudge 15 minutes?" As these thoughts flushed through my mind, I decided that was it, I wasn't going expose myself to an opprobrium of this magnitude, I was out of the place before you could cross the last 't' in the word toilet. I don't know who put an upper limit of 15 minutes on a session with nature, but with the KVIP system, the owners of the toilet didn't have to worry about such issues, you will only stay in that room if you have to be there, the stench will kick you out, no electronics required.

Sometimes I do wonder why people in certain areas in Accra queue to vote for politicians who cannot even guarantee them a decent place to exercise one of the most private rights of a citizen. The approach to solving this problem has always been half-hearted. For instance, in the heat of Rawlings' revolution, he is reported to have said that people with two WCs in their homes must transfer one to the people of Nima. Brilliant Solution: It is more difficult to bring dignity to the millions who need it by providing them with toilets, why not strip dignity off the few who have it by taking toilets away from them to create equality at the baseline. Other solutions have been capitalist in nature. Long before the Internet was invented, toilet hotspots were
created in
densely populated areas to serve the needs of the populace. This approach has served politicians in more ways than one. Some of these toilets are out sourced to party faithful who have been promised jobs. This is so important that daggers are drawn when governments are changed without change in the management of the toilets. It is one of such incidents that prompted the woman to call for "contempt on the toilet". Secondly, with the pressure for politicians to show evidence of development, why not keep building these public KVIPs? A toilet here, a toilet there, and your votes are banked! If every home has its own toilet, what will the politician do for development? Roads? That is hellishly expensive.

Dr. Charles Wereko Brobbey and his Ghana at 50 attempted to solve some of our toilet worries. Though good intentioned, the celebration ended with no visible toilets on our highways, what a shame. Even if it had been successful, his project will not solve the real problem with our toilet or lack of it. Our people really understand the importance of toilets in the affairs of men but we simply have failed to address the matters arising. In the Anlo tribe for example, a man on the way to visit the toilet is exempted from greeting anyone along the way. Of course, with the greetings are exchanged, asking after every object in the house in turn, if you insist on greeting, there shall be a performance. So we recognize the fact that toilets must be accessible without impedance, not even cultural impedance is good enough. So why have we for many years watched queues buildup at these toilet hotspots that have become business ventures and have refused to insist on a simple rule- every house and its own toilet(s)?

Let's face it; in the court of the toilet judge, we're in Contempt!