Combating the Invading Army of Charlatans

But these speak evil of whatever they do not know; and whatever they know naturally, like brute beasts, in these things they corrupt themselves. ¹¹ Woe to them! For they have gone in the way of Cain, have run greedily in the error of Balaam for profit, and perished in the rebellion of Korah. -Jude 10-11

They may not lay claim to the swiftness of Julius Caesar’s marauding battalions nor the coordination of the allied forces but they are as tenacious in their campaign as any purposeful army. Except that their goals are not ideological, they are materialistic. Through the magic of radio and TV, propelled by microwaves, they invade the sanctity of our living rooms. Not only do we have to protect our children from violent and lewd movies, but also some supposed Christian services. But for the grave consequences their actions have on ordinary Ghanaians, we would have consigned them to the world of comedy and allowed them to jostle for space with the likes of Agya Koo.

They masquerade as anything that is noble in scripture, Prophets, Bishops, Reverends, and more. They murder the scriptures without mercy, shock our sensibilities, and pollute the atmosphere with profane insults that I don’t hear anymore in the streets of Accra, yet they still command large followings. Out of the abundance of their hearts flow curses that even though of no effect, will not be acceptable in any heathen shrine. Yet they lay claims to the only Lord that is Sovereign. If this is not the abomination that causes desolation (Mat 24:15, Dan 11:31) then what is?

That our society tolerates these charlatans is ample evidence of the fine balance we have to tread between personal liberties and public order. But I believe these guys have done enough to at least attract a caution from a court of competent jurisdiction. Since Joy FM aired some of the ludicrous outbursts of these characters, there have been calls to restrict religious liberties because of these bandits, but it is my opinion that we should jealously guard the freedom given to us by our constitution to worship freely. We cannot throw out the baby with the bath water. We can weed out the chaff through other freedoms guaranteed by the constitution.

It is important we recognize the fact that religion by its very nature is amenable to such grave abuses. Because God has no physical address accessible to mortals to go and clarify arguments about divinity and divine instructions, he has become subject to human interpretations of a myriad of scriptures and revelations purported to have been seen over the centuries. Out of this deep valley of confusion, has sprung various religious sects and denominations. Unfortunately, some scoundrels have identified Man’s inclination to seek his Maker as fertile ground to ply their scams and have decided to take advantage of our deep religious bearings. The mass following Christianity enjoys in Ghana makes it most vulnerable to such abuses. It is therefore no surprise that most of these unbelieving villains who have no respect for God or his son Jesus Christ confer holy titles onto themselves and parade the corridors of spiritual notoriety incognito. Through unsubstantiated miracles, they amass a following of gullible Ghanaians who throng their services by day and night. They get away with their nefarious acts because many Ghanaians refuse to question anything that purports spirituality. How many people can attest that the deaf man who was healed was deaf before the church service? I have always argued that the rate at which we hear reports of miracles, it should be easy to find Ghanaians who actually know a cripple, who lived among them, that was healed in a crusade or service. It should be easy to find a community in Ghana who lived with a man born blind, who went to a crusade one day and the next day he could see. Try looking for any of these and you will be better off finding a hawk that has a chicken for a girlfriend. Simply put, most of these miracles are faked! Hardly a day passes without hearing strange things from these scam artists; “A man of God sells canes to whip the devil”, “A pastor washes genitals of a woman at the beach” , “One prophet sleeps on a woman on TV to heal her”, “A preacher inserts his fingers in a woman’s private part whiles her husband stands next to her, in the name of healing a barren womb”, Aba! Can’t they even fake the decency that the office they usurp deserves?

I think identifying a fake man of God should not be difficult. I propose three simple rules.

i. Character before charisma
ii. Common Sense (Yes Common sense)
iii. Congruence

Charisma refers to spiritual gifts and powers, more importantly, it can be faked. People fake healing, tongues, prophecies etc. Character however, is more difficult to fake over the long term. The bible is clear about what constitutes the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22 - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. It Goes further in verse 26 to state what they are not - Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another. How can we then ignore the characters openly exhibited by these men as they curse, boast, fight and openly challenge each other? They even go about threatening to change people into vultures. My proposition- Character first, charisma next. Identify them by their fruits not by their gifts.

Many people believe common sense cannot be applied to spiritual things, but I beg to differ. Many preachers encourage that train of thought because they know that with your thinking caps on you can easily decipher between a miracle and a ruse. When Moses saw the bush on fire yet not consumed, it was common sense that made him take notice. When Jesus Christ healed blind people and lepers, there were always people who attested to the fact that the people had been blind from childhood. There were times Christ asked them to show themselves to the priests. If a “preacher” asks your wife to strip naked and asks you to look away, please listen, your common sense is right, this is supposed to be spiritual healing not a medical examination. Clothes are no barriers to the spirit. If a preacher appears on TV to say he has raised the dead, please remember, the stage was set by him, take it with a pinch of salt until you have reason not to. If we do not exact the highest level of proof from miracle workers, we will remain pawns in their carefully hatched schemes. God gave you the brains and the senses for a single purpose- to use them, please do so without feeling guilty.

My last anti-Charlatan dose is Congruence with scripture. If the man appears and says he is working miracles based on the Christian bible; then use the bible as a meter rule to measure his deeds. The bible describes the people of Berea as having greater nobility because among other things, they used the scriptures to authenticate the message they received (Acts 17:11). The bible explicitly warns Israel against Necromancy (inquiring of the dead), yet one of these “Men of God” appeared on TV and claimed he was speaking to a woman’s dead husband. The fact that he still has a congregation says a lot about the scriptural foundations of the people who sit at his feet.

Religious pretenders have led many to their deaths in tragic circumstances; some of them have destroyed families and many lives. The fact remains that you are the only one who can save yourself from these charlatans. The law is inadequate.

Combat the Charlatans with Character, Common Sense and Congruence.

How Much is Your Blessing?

Dear Brutus,

Did you watch Adebayor against Arsenal in the English Premier league? He picked his spot, delivered a stunning header that beat Almunia who was manning the posts for Arsenal, It was a goal!. He took off like a cheetah that has spotted a prey in the forests of the Kalahari. I don’t know if anybody timed the run but I suspect it will be the envy of many world class sprinters. He had one aim, to present himself to the arsenal fans who have thrown unprintable insults at him before and during the game. They wished for his downfall but “tofiakwa”, his God is a God of judgment. He has promised in his word “My head will be lifted up above my enemies around me”. He ended the run with a skid in front of the agitated fans from London, he didn’t utter a word but his posture said it all- enemy shame! See what has become of me. Many from his homeland in West Africa praised God for their beloved, but that is when they were thrown into stupor. It must be a culture shock. All the press in England went crazy. Senseless, Silly, and nonsensical were some of the adjectives used to describe his 90 yard dash celebration. What has he done wrong? He just celebrated a goal.

Brutus, some background will be helpful. In this part of Africa, governments provide us with nothing, so we learn to depend on God so much. Things you take for granted in Europe are miracles in our world. To hold a simple election in Ogyakrom for instance, we have to start fasting one year before the election so that only a few people will be killed in isolated incidence of madness. Malaria is a well known disease with a well defined cure yet thousands die of malaria. Through the hard way we have learnt to depend on God. That is why we don’t play with our religion. Majority of Ogyakromians believe an ensemble of witches have been assigned to orchestrate nothing but destruction against them. These witches are usually unassuming people during the day but suddenly metamorphose into powerful owls that sore to heights that confound the eagle. It is therefore very important that all Ogyakromians keep a diary of people who “look at them in some way”. They will be the subject of their prayer topic during the next retreat.

So when it comes to dealing with enemies, we don’t spare a prayer against them. It is common to see phrases “like let my enemy live long and see what I will be in future” boldly inscribed on vehicles. We love to “pepper” our enemies with our success no matter how small. When a woman gets a new cloth from her daughter, it is not only flaunted in the face of other contenders in the village, but the message is made complete through lyrical finesse laden with innuendos. Simply put, our success is incomplete if our enemies don’t see what has become of us.

In this light, when we saw Adebayor’s celebration, we knew his blessing was complete. In fact Pastors wrote new blessings for their congregations.
“Your feet shall be anointed as Adebayor’s and you will run before the enemy and you will not faint”.
“May the blessings of Adebayor over take you.”

But alas, before they could deliver these great blessings to their congregations everybody went hey wire in England. And the biggest shock, Adebayor has been fined £25 000 for his celebration! Is that the cost of a blessing? Even the bible agrees that we celebrate before our enemies. Do you remember the very popular Psalm 23:5? “Thou prepared a table before me, in the presence of my enemies”. So why are the guys who showed us the direction to the bible putting such a high cost to a blessing?

The English FA has caused a lot of commotion in Ogyakrom. My bosom friend called ‘Thy Will Be Done’ came home downcast the other day. He was just returning from a Pastor who has been praying with him to find a beautiful wife. The pastor has got a new revelation. Every Blessing has a cost, and the Pastor has published the price list for various blessings.
A blessing to overcome your enemies: ¢25 000
A blessing to buy a new car ¢1000
A blessing to Pass Exams ¢2500
A blessing for a wife: ¢10 000

At that point he stopped reading. His whole world collapsed instantly, he will never be able to afford a wife. Brutus what consolation could I offer him? I could only say, “Oh God! Thy Will be Done, it is well”. And I hope it doesn’t come with a cost.

Sincerely yours

Ogyakromian!!!

Building Bridges, Our Core Business- Mabey & Johnson

This is a statement from the management of Mabey & Johnson to explain events leading to criminal conviction of the company in Southwark Crown Court in London on 25^th September 2009. We wish to submit that we were put under pressure to plead guilty to charges of paying bribes in Ghana by an English court that used Anglo-Saxon definition of bribery with little understanding of the culture and norm of the West African country.

We wish to state without equivocation that our core business is to build bridges and that is the exact mission we pursued in Ghana. We arrived in Ghana at the early stages of the country’s adventure into republic hood for the fourth time. At the time, the country was led by fiery former revolutionary who was having a hard time adjusting to the pace and beat of democratic governance. The then president, who felt let down by the British crown for teaming up with other western powers to lure him into a political process totally out of pace with his training and genetic makeup, loathed everything British. It was believed that this country which had been selected by the Western powers and Breton Woods institutions as a model state was in danger of falling back into the hands of the friends of the defeated communist regime. The likes of Gathaffi and Castro were trying hard to convince him that he made a mistake by rejecting their philosophy of the State. Against this backdrop and the fact that many British company’s were in dire need of new markets to sustain economic growth, the lot fell on Mabey and Johnson, to get into Ghana, you guessed right, to build bridges between the two economies.

This is a concept well understood and practiced by communities in Africa for centuries. To build bridges to the King, you enter his gates not only with thanks giving and praises but with a gift of hard liqueur under your armpit. As you pass on the bottle to the King through his advisers, and once the content of the bottle goes round the palace, your connection is established – a firm bridge is built to carry your message to officialdom. This is exactly what we did in Ghana.

We wish to put it on record that the actions of Mabey and Johnson were in the interest of North – South cooperation, a relationship which is well understood and eloquently espoused by Tony Blair the British PM at the time who actually christened it NEPAD. The fact that Ghana stands to benefit over two billion pounds sterling attests to the strength of that relationship.

We are in no way endorsing the actions of the people who took the money, in fact we don’t know what they did to the money, but we believe that we did no wrong we merely executed our mission in Africa- Building Bridges.

PS:

Maybe Mabey and Johnson gives us the opportunity to examine our public procurement system. I do not believe that the canker of bribery that underlines most procurement decisions was touched by the so called procurement law. Speak to any business man who participates in a government contract and he will tell you “the ways and means” that fraught the process of selecting suppliers. The situation is such that companies that win tenders fairly (I dare say it will be easier to clean the filth in the Korle lagoon than find one) are under pressure to say “thank you” even when they haven’t been asked to. We need radical solutions to uproot corruption. What about banning the giving and taking of gifts in any form? It’s a thought.

Yaa Asentewaa’s Cry from Beyond - Run my Baby Run

Dear Odikro Fiifii Atta,
I have been compelled to file this protest to you from “nsamando” over a rather curious matter. Since you took over the reins of power in Ogyakrom, we in the “world of ghosts” have watched in amazement as you work hard to transform your country into the greatest prayer camp on earth. In one of the many prayer meetings, as the gathering extolled Odomankoma in melodious harmony, the great messenger of Odomankoma breezed through the gathering as the worshipers cried for Elijah and his fire. At this point, a new and very strange prayer topic was introduced. “As we Pray for the return of Elijah, let’s also pray to the Almighty to look favorably upon our president and release Yaa Asentewaa back into our fold, otherwise our President’s desire to see forty percent of executive positions occupied by women cannot be met”. “Many of our women today are either too scared or have blatantly refused the call to serve”.

Ei President Fiifii ! Please pray and eschew play but don’t attempt to procreate the world with your ancestors- It is an abomination! I have stayed away from the politics of mortals since I made my journey to the village, but since I have been provoked by the attempt to recall me from eternal rest, I will say my piece.

Who says there are no more women like Yaa to fulfill operation 40? They are there, but they are refusing to be tainted by Ogyakrom’s meaningless politics. Many descent Men and Women of our great country will simply not touch your politics lest it tarnishes their good names. The women, being more sensitive to what happens to the names they bear, have decided to walk away from the trap of politics. If you speak to the few that brave the terrain like Auntie Bettie, Sister Hanna and Maa Zita, you will appreciate what great sacrifice they have made by rallying round operation 40.

Enthusiastic young men and women resign from well paying jobs to serve in Ogyakrom’s public service, but immediately the government that appoints them changes, they are made to proceed on very long leaves not supported by any labour decree. And do you know how difficult it is for these people to be employed again? Which business wants to employ people who have been clearly tagged as “enemies of government”? The situation leaves very few professions amenable to such appointments - Lawyers, Lecturers and Retirees.
Odikro Atta, how come our nephew Obama can convince his predecessor’s defense secretary to stay at post when he became president of America, but you must fire anybody who touched anything public during the reins of your predecessor? “Taflatse” even the man who touched the public excreta must be fired. Ebei! Odikro, Ogyakrom is under a curse! The curse is called Politics. Politicking has even turned the abomination of the pit (latrine) into a trophy.

I am not oblivious to the fact that my cousin’s great nephew Odikro Agyekum who preceded you bears a huge responsibility in this mess- point to an elephant and you have a job. Even jobs that required strict selection processes were not spared the theory and practice of “ebusua ntse fa”. He set up a board to find brilliant young people to work in the Foreign Service, when the list was handed to his minister with the recommendation to appoint the first thirty in order of merit; the bloke started picking a new set of thirty from the bottom of the list. What were these people thinking? Didn’t they care about the quality of staff that will represent this country in the world? Faced with the misdeeds of your predecessor, I understand your dilemma. But does that suggest that all Odikro Kuffuor’s appointees are not qualified for the jobs they hold? Are you sure all his appointees have nothing to offer this country in the capacity they serve in? Martin Mireku, GTB, Esi Ano Sackey, Ghana Airports company, Prof Ken Attafuah, NIA, Jude Adu-Amankwah, ECG, Robert Ahomka-Lindsay, GIPC to mention a few. Assuming that these are all NPP card bearing members, does that disqualify them from their positions?

If your beef is with the partisan nature appointments were made, one would think that you will setup clear guidelines and procedures to insulate such appointments from political interference. But that was not to be, cheered on by Odikro Boom and your so called foot soldiers, you replace all these “elephantizers” with your own umbrella wielding appointees. From the board room down to the kitchen of the school feeding program umbrellas now stand where elephants used to graze.

With this kind of politics, you want the daughters of Ogyakrom to resign from decent and respectful jobs to join you to build Ghana? To what end? You know the reward? A kick in the ass, after the next change in government. Your emissaries have contacted my great, great daughter Akosua Dufie, who works in Gyamine to bring her rich expertise to help her motherland. You’re kidding aren’t you? I have sent her this message in her sleep- a job in Ogyakrom’s public service? Run my baby run, for your own good run!

The President was startled out of his afternoon nap. “Sir, Any problem ?” Ayariga asked as he closed the door and walked towards the president. “I thought I heard you shout “Yaa it’s not me, it’s not me”. His excellency was in deep thought. He took a glance at his spokesman and said, “Ayariga” . “Yes Sir” the president’s aid responded. “Where is the list? Who did we plan to sack next?”

WHEN OBAMA COMES TO GHANA

The usual bright Ogyakromian Sun may be concealed behind dark clouds most of the day. Heavenly showers may just be the harbinger of pain and agony, as they have been in the past couple of weeks, for many families who have the misfortune of locating their shelters on courses claimed by the waters as they head to pay obeisance to the mighty Atlantic Ocean. But as the skies darken, the crowd shall grow expectant, with their eyes fixed on the receding skyline looking out for “Air force One” draped in the colours of the Unites States of America. However the excitement is not about the plane, but who it carries in its bosom - The most powerful Man on Planet Earth. Barrack Hussein Obama, a man shamelessly claimed by Africa as her own. The only thing Africa in his makeup is a single sperm donated by Barrack Obama Senior. His birth is like many in Africa. A man proves his fertility by donating a sperm and then goes AWOL. The woman bears the brunt of their little dance in the privacy of their intimate moment. Most times the offspring will not turn well; but not this one. He was born in a continent of opportunities. Opportunities created by Men and Women of vision in a continent less endowed than ours. The crowd will be waiting for the touchdown with bated breath as ‘Air force one’ with wings sprawled out like the eagle in its majestic glide makes its approach. Everybody wants to claim a piece of him. His father comes from faraway Kenya, but that will not stop Ghanaians from calling him their own. His decision to touch bases with Ogyakrom on his maiden voyage to Sub Saharan Africa as the president of the world's surviving super power hasn't gone down well with some neighbouring countries, but who cares. He is here! He is here! I can see him! Weizor Looo Efo Barrack (Welcome Brother Barrack).

The government's conductors will orchestrate men, women and children from various parts of the country to sing the welcome chorus as the armoured vehicle makes its way through the streets of Accra. The scenes will be reminiscent of the famous "America eba bie" in the days of Jerry John Rawlings and Bill Clinton. I hope the streets are not lined with kids from our public schools as we did in the Rawlings era. Even if we do, Obama may not realize the exploitation of kids from poor backgrounds to honour him. The routes will be carefully chosen to avoid the streets that could not hold their tar against the recent floods. The houses along the routes were donned with paint only yesterday, for his eyes only. Ogyakromians love to leave a good impression with their guests, even false impressions. Shouldn't we expose him to the bad roads to facilitate quick release of the green bucks when we go to him cup in hand? Never mind, he is here, his presence has glorified our presidency. We will line up all our living ex presidents (thank God we stopped tying them to the stake and making target practice out of them at the Teshie shooting range) to welcome him. Papa Jerry may even lay a report before him, as he did (or intended to) when George Walker Bush visited Ghana, detailing Kuffuor's attempt to give himself an undeserved retirement package. He may even confound the great orator (Obama) with his bizarre philosophy only understood by himself and admired by his aides. He may try to explain why Kuffuor should be in jail and not at the airport. Ogyakromians are worried because the two gentlemen are at loggerheads, but why should I be bothered because the egos of two old men are the vehicle retrogressing them into their adolescent years. Their petulance is not worth a drop of ink. Don't worry too much Barrack; state protocol will keep the CDS standing in between Kuffuor and Jerry to avert any un-presidential calamities

It is our way of saying Welcome to ‘skin pain’ Ogyakrom. Akwaaba President Obama!

Among the dignitaries to welcome him are the bosses of many American sponsored aid organisations and Non Governmental Organisations. These men and women carrying titles like "Chief of Party" will grant interviews to radio stations to reiterate what America means to Ghana. Their activity map draws Ghana; their sector penetration will create a quorum to hold President Attah Mills' cabinet meting. What they won't say is that there are many Ghanaians who can do what they are doing for far less money. They live in mansions they won't dream of in their own countries. They employ for next to nothing maids, garden boys, drivers etc- luxuries they won't contemplate in their country, but more importantly, these are paid for by the funds voted as aid, grants and loans for Africa . If we had our own way, we will employ Ogyakromians for these jobs for less, leaving a lot more for the purpose for which the funds were voted. If that happened, rent in Airport, East Legon, Labone would have been within the reach of Ghanaians. But for now, these areas are the preserve of expats who have driven the price out of our reach so we can only live tens of kilometers away from the city. Does it matter anyway? The Chief of Parties will make the guest list at the private meetings; Obama may even part them on their backs for sacrificing so much for the sake of a continent which remains a scar on the conscience of the world. Welcome President Obama !

Many Ogyakromians, of their own volition will defy the soggy weather to see him in flesh, but many more will be bussed from all over the country by government conductors to create the orchestra atmosphere. The latter group has nothing against Obama, but given the option they may choose to be elsewhere. But who won't want to be part of a history making event? "I was there when Obama visited Ghana". "Does that put money in your pocket?" "Not really but they will feed us the whole day ".

A day's meal is enough incentive for many in Africa to put their lives on hold for others. They will attend your political rallies, they will do the dirty job for the party in power, because they have little else to do that will pay more. Sometimes I have the feeling that political animals in Ogyakrom will keep them "down trodden" so they can use them to do their bidding. But does it matter at all today? This is just the view of a cynic. What matters is Obama in Ghana. Welcome to Ogyakrom.

I have heard the question being asked “what is in it for Ghana?” The question smack of our usual begging mentality but it has been asked anyway. Most Africans tend to confuse the president of the USA -United States of America for United States of Africa. Obama first and foremost, seeks the interest of America NOT Africa. We also tend to forget that he is more of a white American (Because he was brought up by white grannies and mummy) than an African American. Maybe fate took him away from his father to fulfil his destiny. Will Barrack be Barrack if he was raised by his father?

What is in it for Ghana? If you ask many ordinary Ghanaians, the answer is obvious but many have refused to mention it. They want visas to America.

Yours truly will ask Obama for a single favour. President Obama, please deliver this message to our leaders;

Africa is rich. What the continent lacks is not aid and grants. Africa lacks leadership and fair trade. The former leads to the latter, but not vice versa.

If Africa's leaders will do what leaders are elected for,

If Africa's leaders will make corruption a very expensive venture

If Africa's leaders will stop plundering the resources of the continent to benefit themselves and cronies from within and without the continent

If Africa's leaders are willing to lead the continent to pay the price of development

Then Africa will eradicate malaria, provide food and water for every citizen, build good roads and infrastructure, provide a health system worthy of note, and create an educational system that equips Africans to negotiate with the world.

Yes! Yes! Yes you can!

Welcome to Ogyakrom Mr. Barack Hussein Obama.